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| for the first time.. in a really long time. i never thought that i would be able to trust a guy again. i never thought that i would fall in love... at least for a while. he makes me feel so good. he`s my security. he makes sure that i`m safe and that i do what`s good for me. he has always be there. and he even flew 2000 miles just to be with me for a week. and through EVERYTHING we`ve been through -- i have fallen in love. he makes my heart feel warm. and it feels right hearing him say "i love you." (sept082009) it feels right being with him. and .. i just can`t get enough of him. :) he`s mine. fall off. k, cool.
* taken the night i was sick (sept102009) -- and he stayed on the phone while i slept <33
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| "You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." - BOB MARLEY.
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| alone.
I love having him around and having someone to talk to 24/7. But I feel like I just need some time alone. I feel so yucky right now. I don`t know. He's the first guy I`ve given my trust to in a really long time, and I`m scared? I guess. I really don`t know how I`m feeling. I don`t know if it`s fear er something else. But I don`t feel right at the moment. >_< I`m tired of this whole trusting issue. His ex-gf came outta no where talking to him and shit. And I don`t appreciate it. I know EXACTLY what she`s tryna do. I`m scared. He keeps telling me not to worry about and that she won`t do anything. :T But really, what kind of person doesn`t want to try to get with the person they lost it to when they find out they`ve moved on? I know I did it. I felt like an idiot trying. Buuuuuuuut I guess it`s not stopping her from trying to talk to him. I don`t like it. She`s over there. I`m over here. There`s really not much I can do about the whole thing but sit here and hope he knows how to handle the situation. We haven`t known each other for that long, but I feel something with him. Like, we click. We have a good time with each other and I can`t stop smiling when I talk to him. My heart feels so much better since he came into my life. Ever since the first day I talked to him, we clicked. And I don`t wanna lose that feeling. I don`t wanna lose him. Er my happiness. Blah.
I`m trying so hard to be patient with this whole long-distance relationship. But it`s hard. It`s so harrrrrd ! Argh D:< I barely know his past. And I`m afraid to ask. I don`t want him to think I`m a psycho girlfriend. But I just want to know.. He knows almost everything about me. And it`s not fair. He tells me to be open with him and yet he`s not so open with me.. :T I DON`T KNOWWWWWW. Whatever.
I like him. That`s it. K, bye. (: 
 
 "when i look at you my mind goes on a trip.
and you came in and knocked me on my face.
feels like i`m in a race, but i already won first place. cus boy you came around, and you knock me down."
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| gave me the best 5 days of my summer.
:] i`m so lucky to have a guy like him. everyone was surprised that he actually flew all the way over here.. JUST FOR ME. ahahahha. i feel so giddy every time i think about it. (: and it still shocks me that he was here. and now that he`s gone, it feels like he wasn`t even here... but he was. and it was the best. the absolute best.
<3 update later.
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| things change.
actually, things change all the damn time in life. ahaha. but yaeh, um. i feel like i haven`t had a really good update in while, so here i go. this summer has been great, don`t get me wrong. but i feel like it could be better. i think that i would`ve rather had it being able to see all my damn cousins whenever i wanted. you know? i miss them. no joke. i feel like this entire summer, i haven`t hung out with them. i mean, yaeh -- i have. but it`s not as much as i wanted. er as much as i anticipated. i miss lyn. i miss sharmayne. i miss bobby. i miss yam. i miss emma. i miss richard. there`s just so many things that i`ve done that makes them not want to hang out with me. i guess, time will heal all things. but i just can`t stand so many people disliking me. but the truth of the matter is, i did them wrong. and it`s my fault. no one else`s. just mine. and i`ve learned to accept that. but they`re my cousins. how long could they hate me? .. it could be a year, 3 years, or even 5 years. i really wouldn`t know bcus i haven`t even tried to apologize to them. and now they`re gone. i feel like they`re all gone from my life. like, i don`t matter to them. the people i was close to are all gone. .. :T and i guess it`s time to live my life and understand that time WILL heal all things and God is with me through all of this. i`ve hung out with all of them at least once this summer and that time felt like heaven. i never wanted it to end. and when it came to an end, it felt like i was incomplete again. but anyways. there are a lot of things i have to look forward to ! like.. doctor appointments ! and uh, summer homework that i need to get a move on. lmao. shoot, i haven`t touched any of my summer homework >_< oh well, maybe i`ll go buy my book er sumn today. idk. whatever.
this summer has been all work and no play. pretty much. canada was an experience that i`ll never forget. so was michigan. and i would LOVE to go back to both places. (: both beautiful and both funn. maybe we`ll be able to go to california this year. but i actually doubt it. lmao. i have no money to spend on california. >_< oh well. it`s okay. my darling is coming to chicago in august. so, i have something to look forward to ! XD and hopefully all things will work out. ahahah. buuuuut yaeh.
there`s something about that boy. he`s the cutest boyfriend i`ve had. he makes me feel so giddy. XD he says the right things to make me smile. we really haven`t known each other for long, but it feels like i`ve known him all my life. he`s been my best friend throughout everything this year so far and he makes me feel better all the time. we write letters. and his letters make my heart melt. we buy each other presents. and send them to each other. x) we talk 24/7 (unless we`re at work) through text, phone, AIM, webcam. no matter what, we`re talking to each other. he`s not even allowed ta text (he does it anyway). i like the way he sings and the way he makes me laugh. he leaves me cute voicemails when i don`t answer the phone. and so, his voice is always on my phone. all i have to do is call my voicemail and i hear his voice. he`s weird. and i like it. bcus i`m weird, too. and we can be ourselves around each other. he makes me happy. so if you see me smiling, you can blame him. distance really isn`t a factor in our relationship, bcus in the end -- i`m his and he`s mine. and to us, that`s all that matters. he`s, for sure, my favorite. <3 B. NAPOLES.
cey. i miss you, ukinam. >_<
i miss seth, too. holy crap. it`s been so long since i`ve seen her. hmph. raaaaawr ! but i see janessa almost everyday. lmao. i love that girl. ahahahha. this summer would not be the way it is without her. she supports me in everything i do. for real. she supports my decision on dating bernard (: and uh, i miss connie. and nicole ! lmao. we really need to hang out again. that day was too much funn. lolol. nonstop laughter. for real. but yaeh. i miss my girrrrls. lol. we need to hang out. on the real. k, cool. lmao.
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